Being in the moment, but missing what to actually focus on

I woke up, not very aware of how I was focusing. I was focused in the moment, but I was Focused on my next move, not being attentive to the other person‘s move. I totally lacked awareness of the other person’s move, which happens at times. This time, however there is also a blindness to seeing it and a feeling that I would’ve missed it anyway. There are times of mind skips a beat, doesn’t do what you think it’s going to do, messes up the pattern, makes an error. These errors sometimes lead positive results but today the result was a too quickly rewarded checkmate.

Afterwards, I couldn’t believe I made the Air, but also realize that I’m not always in control. However, sometimes it’s hard to determine when I am in control and when I’m not. This also makes it very difficult to come to conclusion on how to deal with it, however, it still seems to me the best way of dealing with it is to keep in mind the need to focus on the actions that hand and the actions that lead to the actions at hand. This would also mean there would be a need to understand all the actions, my actions and the opponents actions or my Actions and the other actions at hand.

Being too quick to act can sometimes lead to error and being too slow to act can sometimes lead to error. Finding that middle ground is not always easy. Basically what I’m saying our ears are inevitable, but how you handle the errors can lead to better or worse results. And this particular case I was a little hard on myself. I do not like to lessen my chess score, I like to improve it. I also recently told someone what my chest core was and it was like 70 points higher than it is now, which is a substantial reduction. This reduction has somewhat been caused by playing too many games at one time, having too many errors at one time, and possibly overloading my brain with chess. At the same time, I focus on the overall game has suffered.

I thought when I woke up this morning, my brain would be in a better state, and I would make sure I looked at my Previous moves in the opponents previous moves. In one touch of the tablet, I was confident enough to hit the send button. In about 10 seconds after that my opponent checkmated me. When this happens, I lose some of my desire to continue playing. I become a little hard on myself and ask myself and ask why would I do such a thing? I become upset that my score will be reduced. My next series of questions to myself continue to make me feel worse. Now I begin to feel I’m too sensitive. I wonder how in the world can people as sensitive as me survive and I should just quit the game too. And even having these thoughts result in the desire to just stop playing. And while we’re at it why don’t we just stop doing everything because we are too sensitive and now we’re acting as if we are two years of age.

My sanity is leaving, my maturity is leaving, my psychological well-being starts to drip away. And wow, because of chess!?! Very fragile as you can see. Exactly the behavioral problem the shadows the rest of my behaviors. No matter how confident I am, no matter how stable I become, there is something behind it. This is what is the most important part of what I’m trying to say. Whether we wanna call ourselves, weak fragile, oafs, dumbasses, etc. we are still left with who we are. It always comes back to that and no matter what we call ourselves here we are the amount of calling ourselves whatever does not really matter.

It really does no good whatsoever and it really does us. No good to believe what other people have to say about us. I would almost say whether it’s good or bad. We are still stuck with ourselves no matter what. Almost anything positive or negative about ourselves is neutral because we still have to go on. We still have to exist so to speak. And why Let these internal Thoughts run amuck? The best way to tackle it is just to allow it, but to allow it fully meaning that we allow everything just to flow through us and make it kind of neutral because it really doesn’t matter. What matters the most is how we are involved in the moment, and are we involved in a way that creates the moment we want the moment other people want or what other people think of us. Maybe the way that I played chess is just awesome for some people and maybe it’s horrible for others. For me it is good to see the other Person’s move to see the moves. They have possibly ahead of the previous move and also look at my move in the moves I might make ahead as well as much as possible. This is actually how chest is played, but things can run a muck when the mind is not in this chest mode.

For me, the chest mode is less about winning and more about creating the best move in the moment. Mainly, this is how life is. What is the best move in the moment? I guess this is my Zen and the art of novice chess playing. I would say the main different currently in Percy’s book and my ideas or that I would be more like his friend that isn’t really maintaining his motorcycle but just riding it without much thought. For me as time continues, I get more interested in Figuring out better strategies than chess.

I’ve played chess since I was five years old and I am 54 years old. It would seem I would be a grand master, but I never really gave it much thought and I didn’t play every day and there were years where I might’ve played 10 times. Like everything in life, we can go further with it, we can have fun with it where we are, we can decide it’s not for us.